Finding love and acceptance in yourself

“Be you, love you, all ways, always” -Alex Elle

I am a firm believer in the power of self love. I truly believe that once you reach the point in life where you can accept yourself, flaws and all, your quality of life will increase. With that being said, self love, much like everything else in life is a journey. I’m not going to pretend I feel great about myself every second of every day. Loving and accepting every part of who I am is something that I constantly struggle with, and I always need reminders not to be too hard on myself, which in my opinion is half of the journey.

These are some things that have helped me develop more self love, acceptance, and awareness in my life

Chill out!

I struggle with being a perfectionist and taking everything (including myself) too serious.  Life is not nearly as complicated as we make it and the things we spend time agonizing over are never important in the end. When I give myself time to reflect, I realize how insignificant many of the things I worry about on a daily basis are. Superficial things do not matter.  What’s important is that you are happy, that you engage in activities that make you feel alive, that you love others, and that you leave the world a better place than you found it; everything else is trivial, everything else is temporary. Learn to laugh at yourself, get comfortable with making mistakes and loving yourself through them– because the truth is no matter how much you learn or how old you get you won’t ever be perfect and that is okay!


One of the coolest things about the human experience is that we are all so different, there is no one else in the entire universe exactly like you. Never in the history of the world has there been another you and there won’t be another one once you’re gone. You are special just because you were born. Every single part of you was handcrafted to create the wonderful being that you are.

I could end this post here; but wait… there’s more!

Toot your own horn!

I think out of all of these, I struggle with this one the most, I always get weird and shy when its time to talk about things I’m good at because I don’t want to seem pretentious. Sometimes you need to tell yourself you look good, pat yourself on the back, celebrate your talents. Whether other people tell you or not, the added reassurance of self confidence is an esteem boost that we could all use from time to time. Developing your own positive affirmations is a simple but extremely effective way to spark this habit.

Learn to love & accept other people

This is not always the easiest thing for me, but one thing that has helped me is to be less critical of other people’s flaws. “Practice makes perfect” while you may never be perfect at doing this, the more you allow yourself to be comfortable with other people’s differences and what you consider flaws the more comfortable you will be with your own. By practicing loving other people through their differences, it becomes second nature to do it with everyone including yourself. We have the power to create our own environment in the way that we treat other people, you can create an environment of turmoil or you can create an environment of love and happiness.

Steps you can take to set your self love on fire

1. Spend time doing things you enjoy

As mentioned earlier it is important to spend time doing things that make you feel alive. When cultivating self love, spending time on activities you enjoy is imperative because typically things we like to do are things we are good at. Life is short and unpredictable, and tomorrow, next week, or next year is no guarantee, so you should carve out time now to do the things that fuel your soul.

more time spent on things you enjoy=more self confidence=more love within your spirit

I honestly did not have any hobbies until very recently, so if you struggle with finding these activities ask yourself these questions (writing your answers out might be helpful):

What makes me feel alive?

What place (or activity) gives me peace?

When am I the happiest?

2. Spend time with people you enjoy & who enjoy you

I think we have all been guilty of giving ourselves to people and relationships that are not intended for us. It is natural to want to invest in friendships or romantic relationships because we have devoted our time and effort, but sometimes things just don’t work. Not everyone that you meet along your journey is meant to go all the way to the finish line with you. It is important to be able to discern the people in your life that truly delight in you and want to see you win from those that don’t. That does not say anything about you or the people you decide to part ways with, you can simply pray for one’s well being, say goodbye, and love them from a distance. No one that does not treat you the way that you want to be treated is going to help you with your self love journey, and you are not obligated to allow anyone who can’t genuinely love you in your life.

You should spend time with people who see you, affirm you, and love you.

3. Get in touch with your inner voice

I’ve talked about self talk before in my positivity post. When cultivating self love it is extremely important to be aware of and pay attention to your inner voice. We pick up so many things throughout life, some good some bad, and our psyche is impacted by all of this. Sometimes we get our inner narratives from the way other people speak to us, which goes back to the discussion about spending time with those who enjoy you.

This step will require some work to tap into, over the next week really pay attention to the way that you speak to yourself and the thoughts you have regarding yourself and your abilities. Write them down if you need to. Another extremely simple way to engage your inner voice is by getting some solo quiet time and just seeing what thoughts come your way. Are they negative or positive? How do your thoughts make you feel? If you find that your inner voice is not as positive as you would like, practice redirecting your thoughts in a more positive, affirming language.

If this topic intrigues you and you want to dive deeper or are interested in people and discussions that inspire me, here some of my favorite podcasts, blogs, etc. that might give you more ideas on building your self love/confidence:

TED-Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are

The Friend Zone- Nostalgia Ultra Problematic

Black Girl in Om Episode 8-Finding Confidence and Freedom: A conversation with Freddie Harrel

HalfieTruths- 7 ways to find comfort in your own skin

My self love practices are ever changing, because I am always learning new things about myself and the world.

If you have tips on cultivating self love and acceptance, I would love to hear about them–leave a comment below!




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