Tips for growing past breakups
Breakups are one of the hardest things to endure and everyone, from teenagers to well seasoned adults, knows the pain of a broken heart. “Time heals all wounds” is the age old saying people tell their loved ones after a relationship ends. While time does ease the pain, it takes work to overcome and try to make sense of the dissolution of a relationship. The following tips are focused on romantic relationships, but can be applied to friendships , familial, or even work relationships.
1. Self care
Although taking care of yourself after a break up is a no brainer, when you’re going through something difficult self care needs to be enhanced to have an impact. When trying to process the end of a relationship, self care needs to be a little more than binging television shows and eating comfort food. The latter are both awesome for recovery, but they should be supplemented with activities like journaling, spiritual rituals, yoga, meditation, adequate sleep, or therapy if you need to talk through it with someone outside of your immediate circle. Do what you need to do to begin processing the relationship in order to facilitate healing. Furthermore, don’t feel bad for needing to take time and work to get over a relationship. Society makes us feel as though we are supposed to just be able to continue our lives and be fine, but it isn’t always that easy. When you have created a life with someone and they’re an integral part of your day, it’s natural for you to need healing if they are no longer in your life. Cry, scream, get away, do whatever it is you need to get better and don’t apologize for it. Breakups tend to leave us with diminished self esteem and self care serves as a buffer during this time of vulnerability. Giving time and energy back to self, boosts confidence and provides the feeling of worthiness that can get lost when a relationship ends.
2. Reclaim your time
In the words of Auntie Maxine, “RECLAIMING MY TIME.” Reclaim your time, reclaim your space, reclaim your body, reclaim the person you were before you became part of an ‘us’. Take advantage of the alone time you have without your significant other. Clear out the spaces in your home or car with their belongings. Burn sage or palo santo to clear their energy from your home. Do body scan meditations or yoga to increase your physical awareness. Find activities (exercise, join a group or club, coloring, reading, writing, listening to podcasts etc.) that keep your mind occupied and not thinking about what your ex is doing & scrolling on their social media pages. Do what you need to to regain your sense of agency in your life.
3. Find meaning
I truly believe that everything we go through in life happens for a reason, break ups included. There is a reason that relationships end, even if you love them with every ounce of you, even if they made you the happiest you have ever been, even if you thought you all would be together forever, it ended for a reason. Instead of spending all of your energy focused on how sad, hurt, and/or angry you are, think about what you learned from being in the relationship. Acknowledge your part in the end of the relationship and what you want to do differently the next time around. Meditate on all the good times you all had and understand that love will come back around.
4. Be Patient
I have definitely saved the best for last because this is so important. Be patient with yourself. Be gracious with yourself and don’t expect to be all better just like that. It gets really frustrating to not be over a relationship when you feel like you’re supposed to be, but all that does is make you feel worse during an already sad time. Don’t feel bad about things taking more time than you expected, being confused, or missing your person. Be gentle with yourself during this time, however long it takes because you have every right to be. You are entitled to mourning your relationship for however long, and in whatever way benefits you.
This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
What has helped you get over a breakup? Feel free to share in the comments below! ❤️